


Stages of Grief

by Thackeray1972



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-06 02:03:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15876207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thackeray1972/pseuds/Thackeray1972
Summary: What happens when you lose the love of your life?





	1. Chapter 1

Aaron has gone to the pub down the road to get away from Sandra for awhile; she was doing his head in. She was blaming all of Liv’s problems on him, and the fact that Liv was defending him wasn’t helping. He tries Robert’s mobile again , “Rob it’s me, I know you are probably really busy but I really need to hear your voice. Call me ya?” He had been trying to get a hold of Robert all day with no luck and was trying not to worry. Rob was probably in meetings or maybe on a delivery, he would surely call Aaron by the end of the day. His mum calls while he's walking back.

“Hi Luv.”

“Ya alright?”  
His mum pauses, “I’m sorry Luv but it’s Robert.”

Aaron jerks to a stop, “what do you mean? What about Robert?”

“He’s in the hospital sweetheart, he’s sick.”

Aaron can hear the worry and concern in her voice. He swallows trying to keep the growing panic at bay, “what’s wrong with him? Is it, is it bad?” Aaron can hardly get the words out of his mouth.

“You need to come home Aaron,” at his mum’s words he takes off at a run. Barreling into the house he goes straight to his room, frantically starting to pack.

“Aaron,” Liv follows him, “Aaron what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

Aaron stops briefly and looks at her, “we have to go home Liv.”

“Why what’s happened?” Liv knows it's bad by the terrified look on her brother’s face.

“My mum just called, Rob is sick he’s in the hospital,” Aaron pauses trying to keep his head together, “it’s bad Liv.”

Tears start to stream down her face, but she just nods and starts packing her things, neither of them daring to say anything more.

The flight back seems to take forever. Aaron is starting to go crazy his mind running through various scenarios. “He’ll be okay,” Liv holds his hand, “its Robert he always lands on his feet, right?”  
Aaron just nods not daring to try and answer her. He knows he has to stay strong, for Liv & for Robert.

When they finally arrive at the hospital they are met by Paddy.

“Where is he?” Aaron asks him desperately, “is he still…” he can't bring himself to finish the question.

Paddy nods, “come with me I’ll bring you to him.”

Robert is lying on a bed hooked up to all kinds of machines. His eyes are closed and he looks so pale and fragile.

“Rob, it’s me, I’m here,” Aaron whispers. He brushes his hand over Robert’s head than takes hold of his hand. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears from falling down his face.

“What’s wrong with him?” Aaron looks up at Paddy.

“He’s got an infection. Bacterial meningitis,” Paddy explains.

“What does that mean?” Liv asks, “Is it bad?”

Paddy looks at her sadly, “it’s an infection in the membranes of the spine and skull.”

“He’ll be alright though, right” Aaron asks pleadingly.

“He’s young and strong Aaron, and those are good things it means his body will be able to fight the infection. They have got him on antibiotics to help him.”

“What happened Paddy, how did he get like this?”

“We don’t really know, all I know is that Sam found him unconscious outside the barn at Wishing Well.”

“I don’t understand why was he up there? Did someone hurt him?”

Paddy hesitates before looking between Liv and Aaron, “it looks like he was hit over the head by someone. We don’t know how long we was out there before Sam found him.”

Aaron tries to digest everything that Paddy is telling him, “but I thought you said he had an infection.”

Paddy nods, “he does. The doctor’s think that’s how he got it. Sometimes meningitis can be caused by head trauma.”

Before Aaron can ask any more questions the doctor enters the room.

“What’s happening? Why isn’t he waking up?” Aaron asks him.

“I’m sorry who are you?”  
“I’m his fiancé, Aaron Dingle. Please you need to tell me. Is he going to be alright?”

“Your fiancé is suffering from a very serious infection. It’s called bacterial meningitis,” the doctor explains.

“Yeah I know Paddy told me, but he’s going to be alright right?”

The Doctor pauses, “like I said this type of infection is very serious, it can cause swelling in the brain, sepsis, high temperatures and seizures. Unfortunately we don’t know when Mr. Sugden got the infection because he was found unresponsive. And there is the complicating factor of the head injury. It also appears that his immune system was compromised. I understand he had recently recovered from carbon monoxide poisoning?”

Aaron just nods too overwhelmed by what the doctor has just told him to speak.

“But you can help him right? I mean you can give him medicine and make him better right?” Liv begs.

“We are treating him with an aggressive course of antibiotics. Right now we are trying to determine the exact type of infection he has so we can taylor his treatment. Unfortunately it’s a waiting game. My team and I will be monitoring his condition closely. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

“Thanks Doctor,” Paddy says as he makes his exit.

“I can’t believe this is happening!” Paddy puts his hand on his shoulder trying to offer some comfort.

“I can’t loose him Paddy,” Aaron cries.

“Aaron,” he turns to see Vic enter the room. He stands up to give her a hug, they both start crying.

“I’m so scared,” Vic whispers. 

“I know me too,” Aaron admits.

Paddy calls Chas to let her know Aaron and Liv are at the hospital, and it’s not long before she comes flying in followed closely by Diane.

“Luv,” she cries before taking Aaron into her arms. Then she turns and hugs Liv to her as well.

“He’s not going to be able to cope Paddy,” Chas says standing watching Aaron sitting at Robert’s bedside, along with Vic and Liv, “It’ll break him.”  
Paddy tries to comfort her, “he’s strong Chas, and he has us. We’ll be there for him no matter what happens.”

Chas shakes her head, “no Paddy, it’s too much. He’s already been through too much, I’m so scared what he’ll do if.. if..” she can’t finish her sentence. Liv and Vic join them in the hallway to give Aaron some time alone with Robert.

“You have to get through this, yah? You can’t stand me up at the alter,” Aaron tries to joke through his tears, “you can’t leave me Rob, I can’t do this without you, please, please wake up,” he begs, holding Robert's hand.

“Here Luv I brought you a brew,” Chas says as she enters the hospital room taking a seat next to her son.

“Ta,” Aaron says taking the cup, “why isn’t he waking up mum?”

“I don’t know luv,” Chas rubs his shoulders, “how are you doing?”

Aaron rubs his face, “I don’t know,” he answers honestly, “it still doesn’t seem quite real, like I’m in a nightmare I can’t wake up.”

“I know luv,”

“Where’s Liv?”

“Paddy took her back to The Mill to drop your things off and maybe get something to eat,” Chas explains, “you should eat something too.”

“I’m fine” Aaron snaps, then sighs, “I’m sorry I’m just not hungry right now.”

“I don’t think I can do this mum,” Aaron looks at her, “what if he doesn’t make it, what if he dies…”

Aaron breaks down in his mother’s arms.

“I still don’t understand how this happened,” he says once he’s got himself together, “I talked to him this morning and he seemed fine; maybe a little tired,” he rubs his eyes, “I shouldn’t have left him again. I’ll never forgive myself if he doesn’t wake up.”

“You can’t blame yourself sweetheart.”

“Then who can I blame? None of this makes sense, why was he up there? Who hit him over the head?”

Chas turns away.

“You know something don’t you?” Aaron accuses her, “Mum you have to tell me.”

“Lachlan,” she says turning to look at him.

“Lachlan? You mean Lachlan did this? He hurt Rob?”

Chas nods, “they think he was behind Rebecca’s disappearance and the carbon monoxide poisoning.”

Aaron shakes his head, “Liv was right, she said Lachlan had done it, she and Robert both suspected he was up to something but I wouldn’t listen,” he puts his head in his hands, “Robert was probably up there trying to find Rebecca. I should have been with him, I should have been helping him.”

“You didn’t know, none of us did,” Chas tries to comfort him.

“Where is he now?” Aaron demands.

Chas sighs, “we don’t know luv, the police are looking for him.”

“I knew he was a sick freak, I should have listened,” Aaron says miserably.

Chas tries again to get him to go get something to eat with her in the cafeteria, but Aaron refuses to leave Robert’s side.  
Diane and Vic take turns sitting with him, while Chas reluctantly goes home to get some rest. Nurses and doctors continue to come in and out of the room but no one can seem to tell them anything new.  
Aaron finally nods off in his chair but he’s woken by Robert stirring, “Rob? Can you hear me?” Aaron jumps up and leans over him, “Rob open your eyes.”  
Robert eyes suddenly open and he looks at Aaron.  
“It’s okay I’m here, you’re okay, you’re in the hospital.”  
Robert tries to say something but he’s got an oxygen mask on, “sshh don’t try to talk,” Aaron instructs him. “Diane’s gone to get the doctor,” Aaron gives him a small smile, “I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.”  
Robert squeezes his hand. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, okay?” Aaron assures him, “and neither are you, yah?”  
The doctor enters with a nurse, he looks at Aaron, “I’m sorry Mr. Dingle but I’m going to have to ask you to wait outside while we examine Mr. Sugden.”  
Aaron nods reluctantly before turning back to Robert, “I’ll just be outside, I’ll come right back in once the Doctor is finished.” He leans over and gives him a kiss on the forehead, “I love you Robert Sugden,” he whispers.  
Aaron, Vic, Diane, Paddy Liv and Chas are all waiting in the hallway when the Doctor comes out of Robert’s room.  
“He’s okay right? I mean he’s awake so that’s good right?” Aaron asks anxiously.  
“It’s an encouraging sign that he has regained consciousness, but we still need to do some tests to confirm that the antibiotics are working. His temperature is still elevated and his blood pressure is lower then we would like, I’m afraid it’s still a waiting game at this point. I’ll let you know when we get the results back,” he continues, “in the meantime he needs rest and quiet, no more than 2 visitors at a time,” he instructs before leaving.  
Aaron rushes back into the room followed closely by Vic.

Robert gives them weak smile, “Hey,” his voice cracks. A nurse is standing beside him making notes.

“Can we give him some water?” Vic asks.

The nurse nods, “I’ll bring him some shortly,” she says before taking her leave.

“You scared us to death, Rob,” Vic scolds him before leaning over and kissing him on the forehead.

“Lachlan?”

Vic looks at Aaron, “I know, I’m so sorry Rob, I should have listened to you and Liv. I never should have left you,” Aaron places his hand on the side of his face.

“Where is he?” 

Vic shakes her head, “we don’t know the police are searching for him. Don’t worry about that Robert, just worry about getting better, ya?”

“She’s right, after all our wedding is coming up and I need you healthy enough to walk down that aisle,” Aaron teases him gently, “I’m just so glad to see you, hear your voice.”

“Okay big brother I’m going to give you two some privacy,” Vic leans over and gives Robert another kiss, “I love you Rob.”

Robert smiles, “ I love you too Vic.”

Aaron smiles at Robert lovingly, “what are you doing to me Robert? Every time I go away you end up in the hospital.”

“Guess you won’t be able to leave me any more,” Robert replies.

“Never again,” Aaron says solemnly, “I love you so much,” he gives him a small, gentle kiss.

“I love you more.”

Chas finally gets Aaron to agree to go to the cafeteria, while Diane & Liv sat with Robert. 

“So how are you doing luv?” Chas asks as he watches him picks at a sandwich.

“Better I guess, It was so amazing to see his eyes open and hear his voice,” Aaron tells her with some hope in his voice.

He looks at his mum, "what happened with Lachlan I mean?"

Chas sighs, "I don't know all the details luv, but Robert had apparently found something that made him think Lachlan had Rebecca hidden somewhere, that's why he was up at Wishing Well. Belle found blood on Lachlan's shirt and confronted him, I guess he finally snapped and was trying to force her to leave with him. Luckily Cain showed up and rescued Belle but Lachlan got away. Sam found Robert and called the police. I really don't know much more, I called you and rushed to the hospital as soon as I heard about Rob."

"How's Belle?"

"In shock, but she'll be alright she's with Zak and Lisa. Lisa got home not long before you did."

"And they think Lachlan caused the crash?"

Chas nods, "yeah apparently he confessed to Belle," she pauses, "Luv he also told her that he killed Gerry."

Aaron starts, "what? But Gerry was an accident."

"No luv, apparently Gerry knew the truth about the accident and so Lachlan killed him to keep him quiet."

Aaron shakes his head, "god this is a nightmare. All this time, he's been there under our noses, living with our Belle. How could I have been so blind?"

"We all were luv," Chas reminds him, "I just don't think any of us wanted to believe he could be capable of all this."

"They better find him mum, he needs to pay for what he's done," Aaron says angrily.

"Try to not to think about that now, let's concentrate on getting Robert well," Chas tries to calm him.

Aaron's phone signals a text. "It's from Liv, somethings happened with Robert," he practically shouts running from the cafeteria.

He finds everyone in the hallways, Vic is sobbing in Diane's arms, Paddy is holding Liv, "what's happened?" Aaron asks desperately.

"Robert had some kind of seizure," Cain tries to explain, "the doctors are in with him now."

"I don't know what happened, he was talking then suddenly he was shaking and the monitors were going off," Vic says through her tears.

Aaron tries to calm himself as they wait outside Robert's room. When the doctor finally emerges, he pounces on him, "how is he? What's wrong?"

The doctor looks at Aaron, "I'm sorry Mr. Dingle the infection must have been further along than we realized, the antibiotics have stopped working," he says gravely.

"What, what does that mean?"

The doctor shakes his head sadly, "Mr. Sugden's body is starting to shut down, I'm afraid there is nothing more we can do for him."

"NO!" Aaron shouts, "there has to be something! You can't just let him die," he grabs the doctor by his coat, "please do something," he begs.

Cain gently pulls him off. "I'm so sorry I wish I could. But once the infection reaches this stage it's too late. Maybe if we had gotten to him sooner," the doctor hangs his head.

Everyone is stunned. Chas goes to hug Aaron but he pushes her off, "No this isn't happening, I have to see him." Aaron pushes his way into Robert's room and hurries to his side, "Rob, it's me, you have to wake up now, you can't leave me," he begs through tears, "please Rob.." 

He feels a hand on his shoulder and jerks around to find Cain, "get off me," Aaron shouts, "he's not going to die, he can't Cain.." he grabs Robert's hand and squeezes it. Suddenly one of the monitors goes off, and the nurses and doctors rush into the room. They shock him once, twice and three times but the line on the monitor stays flat. Quietly the doctor pronounces Robert Jacob Sugden dead, and Aaron's world turns upside down.


	2. Chapter 2

He feels like he’s underwater, he can’t breathe, he can hear sounds and see shapes but everything is distorted and distant. Suddenly his head bursts above the water and he gasps for breath. He’s lying on a cold tile floor; Cain and Paddy are on either side of him. He looks up and sees his mum, Liv & Victoria standing in front of him, tears staining their faces. He hears his mother say his name; he knows something bad has happened. The doctor’s saying he’s in shock as they lift him up and lay him down on a gurney. “He needs rest,” he hears the doctor say, “take him home.”

But he can’t go home, he can’t leave Robert, he promised he wouldn’t leave him, but he can’t make anyone understand so he finds himself being bundled into a car. The drive back to Emmerdale is a blur, the next thing he knows he’s back at The Mill. His home, only it feels wrong now, everything feels different and alien. 

Cain hands him a glass of something, he swallows it down not really caring. The burn of the liquid down his throat is oddly comforting. He sits on the sofa, not looking at anyone, he feels empty, hollow like something has ripped out all his insides.

Chas, Liv & Paddy are standing in the kitchen watching him, still in shock. “What do we do?” Liv asks Chas helplessly. Chas wraps her arms around her belly, her heart breaking for her son, so exhausted she can barely stand. 

“We be there for him,” Paddy finally answers, “let him tell us what he needs.”

Liv nods, “I’ve never seen him like this before.”

“I know, but we’ll get him through, we have to,” Paddy tries to sound confident.

“Sis sit down, you’re dead on your feet,” Cain says harshly guiding Chas to a kitchen chair.

He refills Aaron’s glass with Scotch then leaves it on the coffee table in front of him.

Cain looks at Paddy, “Right, I have to go to the farm and break the news to Moira, make sure she rests,” he instructs gesturing towards Chas.

Aaron is vaguely aware of Cain leaving, of the others hovering in the kitchen behind him. He knows he should be doing something, saying something but he can’t seem to make himself care.  
Paddy manages to convince Chas & Liv to go upstairs to rest and then sits down beside Aaron. He tries to put his arm around him, but Aaron shrugs him off, he doesn’t want to be touched.

“Aaron,” Paddy starts in a quiet voice, “maybe you should try getting some rest?”

Aaron doesn’t respond, but leans over and rests his head on a cushion. He feels Paddy remove his shoes and place his legs up on the sofa before placing a blanket over him. He closes his eyes and waits for sleep to take him; he doesn’t want to have to think any more.

Paddy sits in the chair and watches him sleep, his heart aching for Aaron. He can’t imagine the pain Aaron is in, well he could if he imagined losing Chas, but he won’t let himself go there. Paddy knows he is going to have to stay strong for Chas, for Aaron & for Liv.

Aaron slowly wakes up, finding himself on the sofa, he rubs his eyes and looks around; maybe it was just a dream, a horrible nightmare, a tiny flicker of hope flares in his chest. He wants to call for Robert, to see him come down the stairs smiling. He’s about to open his mouth to call, when he hears someone on the stairs. The hope quickly dies when he sees his mum appear. 

“Hey luv,” she says softly sitting down beside him, “did you get any sleep?”

Aaron nods, “Liv?”

“She’s upstairs asleep in her room,” Chas explains. She takes his hand, “how are you doing sweetheart?”

Aaron doesn’t know how to answer that, “I don’t know,” he manages to get out.

Chas just rubs his arm, trying to offer some comfort.

“It doesn’t feel real, you know?” Aaron looks at her, “how can he be gone?”

“Oh luv,” Chas cries, “I’m so sorry,” she pulls him into her arms.

“I don’t know how to do this, mum,” he admits. Chas continues to rock him in her arms, kissing the top of his head.

Paddy returns with some things for himself and Chas. “You’re mum and I have talked and we think it would be best if we stayed here in the spare room for a little while,” he explains to Aaron.

Aaron just nods then gets up and heads towards the kitchen, he needs another drink.

“Luv, do you think that’s a good idea?” Chas asks. She quickly backs down when he shoots her a look. Downing the alcohol quickly he stands there awkwardly, his body feeling weird in the space.

“Victoria called, she was wondering if you wanted to see Seb?” Chas tells him.

Seb. He hadn’t even thought about the little boy. The little boy who is now an orphan. Suddenly the walls start closing in on him and he lunges towards the door. “Aaron,” he hears his mother call.

“Paddy go with him!”

So he finds himself walking with Paddy quietly beside him. He heads away from the village not wanting to run into anyone. He has an idea that if Paddy wasn’t with him, he’d start running and maybe never stop. Aaron soon becomes aware of Paddy’s laboured breathing and stops to rest, leaning against a wooden fence.

“Thanks,” Paddy manages between breaths.

“Aaron,” Paddy starts, “I just, I just wanted to say that I know I was never Robert’s biggest fan, but over these past several months, ever since you two got back together, I really saw how hard he was working at becoming a better person. And how seriously he was taking being a father to Seb,” Paddy pauses, “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand now why you loved him.”

The use of the past tense is like a kick in the stomach, “love Paddy, I love Robert.”

“Right sorry, sorry,” Paddy quickly tries to backtrack, “he loved you so much. It was so clear to everyone.”

Aaron slumps down on the ground and puts his head in his hands sobbing.

Paddy sits down beside him, awkwardly putting his arm around Aaron’s shaking shoulders.

Finally, the emotions ebb and Aaron wipes his eyes, forcing himself to stand up, “we should get back, my mum will be going mad.”

Paddy just nods looking at him with concern.

As he walks in the door, he’s surprised to find Vic and Diane there, and Vic is holding Seb.

“I thought maybe you would want to see him,” Vic hesitates before standing up and walking towards Aaron. 

Aaron is hesitant, he doesn’t know if he can handle holding Seb right now. But as he looks at the little boy he realizes Seb is a part of Robert, a part he can still hold on too. He takes the little boy and holds him close to his chest. Something stirs inside, some warmth to fight the numbness. “Thanks,” he mumbles looking at Vic. 

Looking down at the little boy, he knows he needs to be strong for him; Robert trusted him with his son, had wanted him to adopt Seb, and he’s not going to let either of them down, he can’t, not again.

After putting Seb down for a nap, Aaron stands in the doorway of their bedroom, he hasn’t been inside since it happened. He can feel Robert’s presence everywhere in the house but never more so than in this room. This is where they had their most intimate moments, both physically and emotionally. Steeling himself Aaron takes a breath and enters, he’s careful to keep his focus straight ahead as he heads to the ensuite, shedding his clothes as he goes.   
Turning on the water he quickly jumps into the shower letting the hot water pound down on him. Closing his eyes he braces himself with his arms against the tiled wall. Images invade his mind; Robert standing behind him pressing into Aaron’s, their bodies fitting perfectly, one arm around his middle the other stretched in front to brace them, his breath hot on Aaron’s neck, his tongue and lips tracing the skin between Aaron’s shoulders…he shakes himself and opens his eyes before the memories overwhelm and swamp him. He spots Robert’s posh body gel, reaching for it without thinking; he snaps open the cap and inhales, Robert. Trembling he puts the gel back; his eyes fall to the razor below it. He’s suddenly hit with an urge to pick it up and slice the skin on his stomach. He knows it might offer him some desperate relief from the crippling emotional pain, but as he reaches for it, a voice stops him. If he gives into this urge he will be letting Seb and Robert down and he can’t do that.   
Summoning what little strength he has he quickly washes up and towels off. Throwing on some clothes he hurries from the room and heads downstairs.


End file.
